Hello, I'm Danny Boice, the CEO of Trustify. In my ~40 years I have pretty much seen it all. I've lived all sites of cheating (not with Jen Mellon though, she's amazing ;) and I've seen tens of thousands of cases just during my time at Trustify alone.
Even though most states are "no-fault" divorce states, rendering infidelity irrelevant, knowing if you're the victim of cheating it is still emotionally and personally of critical importance!
"No fault" divorce describes any divorce where the spouse asking for a divorce does not have to prove that the other spouse did something wrong. All states allow no-fault divorces.
To get a no-fault divorce, one spouse must simply state a reason for the divorce that is recognized by the state. In most states, it's enough to declare that the couple cannot get along (i.e. "incompatibility," "irreconcilable differences," or "irremediable breakdown of the marriage").
In some states, however, the couple must live apart for a period of months or years before they can obtain a no-fault divorce.
Here’s a great article regarding how each state handles no-fault divorce.
Regardless of the courts, the basic question quickly arises: Am I paranoid or jealous or is this happening for real?
If you want to catch a cheater, you have to be deliberate and thoughtful about it. Easier said than done in the heat of these suspicions, I know. Luckily, we've done tens of thousands of infidelity investigations at Trustify and have come to know a thing or two about it.
So what would a real Private Investigator or Intelligence Pro do if in your position? In addition to hiring one of our PIs to find the truth for you, here are some things you can do:
More than 50% of our customers end up being right about the suspected cheater and catching them red-handed. Having a former police detective or intelligence professional perform surveillance on the suspected cheater is to thank for the lion's share of this success.
Financial Asset Search
Our PIs do financial asset searches all day long. It’s a great way to find out what else is being hidden from you in a divorce. Specific to infidelity, the question always arises “how is he/she paying for these trysts?”
There’s a reason good police detectives always advise to “follow the money.”
Mobile Phone Bill
If you are on the same plan or have legal access to the suspected cheater's mobile phone account, the most natural place to look for signs of infidelity is the phone bill.
All mobile phone bills contain at least a record of all incoming and outgoing calls or texts.
Be sure to specifically look for the following patterns:
After hour phone calls or SMS messages
Phone calls and SMS messages during times they said their phone was dead - especially while on business travel.
Document any numbers that you think are even a little bit strange. A good PI will have a field day with those.
Any numbers that appear repeatedly - phone calls or SMS
A PI can even do a reverse phone number lookup for you and tell you who's numbers those are as you find them.
A REAL Background Check by a REAL professional
Those cheap background checks you find online for $30 and promise to “catch your spouse cheating” are bogus. They are basic public records searches and don’t even check every county in every state for things like assets and criminal records.
If you want to find all of the information out there you can simply spend a couple hundred bucks and have one of our former FBI or CIA intelligence analysts scour the dark web, deep web, public web, social media and news archives for anything and everything that exists and is accessible.
Social media provides a treasure trove of useful information for a seasoned intelligence analyst like ours. We find secret accounts, deleted posts, a lifetime of messages and can sometimes even find communication and interactions between parties.
Not only do we check the suspected cheater but we identify who their closes associates are and investigate them too. This goes far beyond our simple searches for marriage and divorce records to verify/refute secret marriages or still-married cheaters.
The same functionality provided by Find My Phone can also be used to pinpoint the exact location. This applies not just to you but to anyone you share a phone plan with or are connected with via iCloud Family and other methods.
Social Media Intel
There are myriad ways to find information that is out of reach to mere mortals. For example, on Facebook, enter “Photos <username> has liked” or “photos <username> has commented on” to find posts that may not be visible by your significant other.
Our Intelligence Analysts have been doing this for years and in high-impact matters such as investigating terrorists. Finding useful information pertaining to a cheater is a walk in the park.
Yes, it is disgusting. However, it is also highly effective.
Phone numbers on napkins or scraps of paper
Hotel, restaurant, gift receipts
If your suspected cheater is male then look for female accessories that aren’t yours and vice versa.
Condoms and condom boxes.
If it grosses you out then hire one of our PIs to do it for a couple hundred bucks.
Browsing and Email History
One incredibly effective tactic is to search the suspected cheater's browser history, cookies, and even their sent/received emails.
Of course, you need access to their phone or computer to do this.
Constantly working late? They cancel date night because they’re sick? Say they’ll be out of town but something feels off? Make an excuse and drop by. Or hire a PI to do surveillance for you and find out for a couple of hundred bucks.
Well, that's it for today. You all be safe out there.